Except this is all bullshit, because women are not required to produce children, yet they are expected to be the sole responsible party for the life and death of the human race. Women of reproductive age are expected to not only have children, but to desire children. If they don’t want children, they are murderers (pro-choice) , uninformed or just plain sick in the head. A Woman’s Duty: Breed!
baby are you a time traveler because you’re such a misogynist i feel like i’m in 1932
TW: Rape (description of); BDSM (in the abstract)
Sometimes he would ask if I wanted it, and I would say sure. Not because it was true, but because I didn’t feel that I had an option. And I was right—I didn’t.
I never actually said “yes,” because that was too direct, and I didn’t mean it. And I remember thinking
No two words are identical. Where there are two words with the exact same meaning, one dies. Words can be similar, but not the same.
My “sure” was similar to “yes,” but was not “yes.”
And I imagined people saying, “it was just poor communication,” and I wanted to explain that my words didn’t matter. Nothing I said changed his mind. My “sure” went unheard; only I heard the sound. No one cared but me.
I ran lines of poetry down through my head, mouthing
let the soft animal of your body love what it loves
and then I closed my eyes and slept.
I woke to his sweat, dripping on my eyelids. I listened to the sheets, moving under his wrists. In my head I whispered:
like a patient etherised upon a table
and looked for patterns in the white splatter-painted ceiling.
And this is why, while I understand many of the arguments against BDSM, I see no problem with my own love of rough sex. Because the sexual violence I experienced was so quiet—and consensual rough sex demands clear communication. “Sure” does not equal “yes.”
And so I have trouble seeing BDSM as “the normalization of sexual violence.” I realize that a lot of porn can promote harmful ideas of what BDSM is, that abusive relationships may masquerade as BDSM, that “pop culture BDSM” (50 Shades, etc) is dangerous and popular mostly because of misogyny.
I get that.
But for me personally, there is no similarity between sexual violence and rough sex. They may look similar to an outside observer, but the experiences are vastly different.
Words aren’t just heard; they’re required. Nothing starts until I open the gate, and I can close it at any time.
The infiltration of BDSM into pop culture is a problem, I’ll grant you, but that’s because pop BDSM doesn’t prioritize consent and shows doms as almost exclusively male. There is nothing inherently oppressive about sex that demands clear communication and respects boundaries and limits.
/sips tea, listens to Bach