fuck my life
the bleeding is back.
it started a few weeks ago.
i tried not to panic because when this was going on back before I had the surgery in March, I was on and off all kinds of hormones and such to try to make it stop, so I figured I would try to give it a chance to fully start and hopefully have a proper period finally.
we’re about three weeks in and that hasn’t happened. it has started the exact same way as the last two times. very light, intermittent spotting along with occasional heavy clots that eventually become daily occurrences and I am losing so much blood that I can barely get out of bed.
i am in denial. i keep trying to convince myself that this time will be different.
a lot of that comes from the fact that I know my doctor is only going to scold me for not seeing an endocrinologist yet or not losing weight. that or she’ll tell me to keep waiting to see if it levels out.
the only other thing I can see her doing that would be an active, immediate help would be prescribing BC pills. i don’t really want to do that because the mister and i have finally decided to try to have kids.
reading everything i can online leads me to think its one of three things: 1) poly cystic ovarian syndrome, 2) related to my weight, or 3) related to the possible hypothyroidism i am supposed to see an endocrinologist for.
what is the most frustrating thing though is that I am still paying for that damn surgery that really didn’t do anything in the long run! i went through all that and i am still dealing with the same issue! yeah, great. you found and removed a polyp. super. it clearly wasn’t the source of this issue because after a few months, the god damn bleeding is back!
it is getting to the point that I am hyper paranoid. I can’t go anywhere at any time without several pads with me along withe a change of underwear. i am starting to get triggered by the sight of my own blood. i panic if i get a sudden rush of moisture. when i’m not actively bleeding, i feel compelled to check several times a day. if i get a mild cramp or a possible lactose intolerance induced bloat, i rush to put on a pad just in case. i need to know where the bathrooms are every place i go in case a massive clot decides to descend. i can’t plan sex with my husband because i never know when the bleeding with start or increase.
this also means i will probably have to try to get FMLA allowances at work. last time i was so weak and tired that i missed a lot of work and got in a lot of trouble, despite providing documentation of doctor visits and surgery schedules. i put off the FMLA after the surgery because it was supposed to be fixed!
sigh. i will probably make a doctor appointment tomorrow on the way to work. seriously hoping she can get me in thursday or friday. i know all she is going to tell me to do is take BC or lose weight. of course i want to lose weight, but it won’t fix the issue very quickly. maybe i can take BC to lighten or stop it long enough to making exercise more comfortable, and if that fixes things i can go off the BC.
ugh. i am just venting and thinking out loud. ignore me. i know this is gross. i hate this so much. i just want to have normal periods again! what the fuck is going on with my uterus!?
another huge clot decided to make its way out of me just as i published this. i think it has officially gotten bad again. the last three weeks was nothing compared to what is coming. i want to cry just thinking about it