i found out yesterday that I have Hypothyroidism. It actually comes as no big surprise because my mom has it. She developed it when she was pregnant with me. When I was starting puberty and gained weight despite not being an overly sedentary kid or eating a lot of junk, my mom had me tested about a dozen times. She couldn’t understand why I gained the weight, and then when puberty was in full swing, why it never came off. My whole life, I’ve gained weight at a slow and steady pace. The only time I had a notable loss was when I was about 20 and unemployed and out of boredom, my best friend and I would play racquet ball followed by a mile long jog a couple times a week. I lost twenty pounds in 2 months. But when I found a job, I put the weight back on, but slowly.
I was doing a little research on the other symptoms earlier today, besides the fucked up metabolism and general lack of energy. I assumed I was overweight because I eat a lot of crappy food and that I’m nowhere near as active as I should be. Other symptoms can be dry, coarse hair, depression, and the inability to concentrate, among others. I have been fighting all of those along with the very marked lack of energy.
I’d say in the last year, the dry hair has become a serious problem but I had chalked that up to my use of dandruff shampoo. I started using all Lush products in my hair (shampoo, conditioner, and a leave in moisturizer called R&B), and have seen an improvement.
The lack of concentration however, is something that has been plaguing me for maybe 3 or 4 years. I used to do a lot of crafts like knitting and cross stitch, and I used to watch a lot of movies. One year, my mom bought me a Blockbuster online account and I think I watched 30 new (to me) movies in the course of a year.
I’ve been annoyed with myself for not doing either, but especially the crafts because I like making things for people & I have a lot of great ideas. I thought I was disinterested because I didn’t always have high speed internet before, and the novelty of it still hasn’t worn off… 5 years later. Even when I do finally force myself to start something, I never finish it. Or it ends up being really rushed and doesn’t turn out right and I don’t enjoy the process whatsoever. There is a bunch of stuff I’ve been wanting to do and see, but most of my free time is spent in bed.
i’ve been chalking it up to being because of the stress at work. Speaking of work, I never used to hate being there so much. But in the last couple of months, it takes every ounce of will power I have to go there and stay through my shift. I even cry because I don’t want to be there so badly. I thought it was because my department bears the primary brunt of the incompetence & idiocy of our CSR’s, callers, as well as the managers who don’t know their asses from a hole in the ground.
Apparently, I have been making excuses for all the ways I feel like shit, blaming it on everything and everyone, except my own body.
I have a follow up appointment on Monday morning to discuss my treatment, as well as the primary reason for the visit, the reading of my ultrasound results to see if we can find the cause of this constant irregular uterine bleeding.
I am actually excited to go, even though it means waking up hella early (for me) and then having to go straight to work, not to mention we will be discussing how to best treat a condition that will in all likelihood mean I will be medicated for the rest of my life, and not even to mention that she could be telling me I have a serious illness or disease that is causing the bleeding. I am just excited to know what is going on with me. I am hoping my lady organs are ok and just out of sync or something. and I am looking forward to treating the Hypothyroidism so I have the energy and desire to get out of bed. If I end up taking Synthroid, like my mom does, I will probably have a way easier time losing weight when I try, which is also exciting. I always used to look at my stature, my general frame, how small my bones are, and think there is now way that this is just how my body was meant to be. Some people are naturally big and that’s perfectly fine (lots of people are not “naturally” big also, which is also fine. Trust me, I adore women of all shapes and sizes. They’re all gorgeous. I really love women and the magical array of bodies they come in 😍), but that is not me. I know it’s not all the condition that has made me heavier, I have a really shitty diet and I don’t get nearly enough exercise at all. But it is nice to know it’s not ALL me, and that the medication should make it easier to drop some of the weight.
It’s just a sad state when you feel so shitty that you actually look forward to going to the doctor. Bleh.
my best friend said the tru-iest thing this afternoon when I was talking about my doctor appointment for this constant "dysfunctional bleeding"
- Kristin: What are you guys up to?
- Me: Was considering a nap & then I'm taking Matthew to First Friday.
- Kristin: A nap, eh? Does that mean you got up early?!
- Me: Yep. Ultrasound appointment.
- Kristin: Oh! How was it?
- Me: Pretty uncomfortable. Transvaginal is not fun.
- Kristin: Noooo, not at all. I've had more than my share of that shit.
- Me: Yeah. It's icky. There's gotta be a better way.
- Kristin: That's probably another one of those things that no one looks into because it's like totally okay to uncomfortably penetrate women.